2006-09-06 : Searching For The Wrong-Eyed Jesus
So, mom is too weak to go to Illinois. She'll be dying here (probably in the room she has lived in since she moved here..it is such a gorgeous and soothing shade of guava)...The docs think she has less than a month now. I won't go into gory details. I am just taking care of her and spending as much time with her as I can. Friends and Family are coming this week and next. I have no idea when the END will come and neither does she, of course. I'm numb but I'm calm..it's weird. It's too hard to put into words. Tommorrow I go to an attorney to talk about becoming the executor of her estate and her power of attorney. My Aunt Mary Jane was on the phone today buying a cemetery plot (which has 4 "spaces)...conversations like this are taking place. Mom asked me today to pick a ring out of her pile of rings. She is giving away her rings to her friends and family. I had first dibs and I chose this ornate silver ring that looks like knots and waves. It was made by a local guy here. We are having hospice come and give us an informational "visit"...we are talking about what she wants as far as Memorial Service (it'll be a double one with...mom and my sister)...She wants "Stand By Me" played. She has always loved MoTown more than anything else. I am thinking about whether I need to wear black. I think I will wear the brightest dress I can find for all of this death and ceremony. My sister and my mom would want it that way. I HOPE Mom does NOT want the rosary read...Good God...I'd have to tell you more about my grandmother's funeral from 4 or 5 years back to explain that one. I changed the dressing over her wound today (she has a tube in her stomach that is for drainage) and I sterilized surgical scissors (Did I ever mention that my mom is a nurse?) Now I'm nursing the nurse. I put rubber gloves on and did a good job on changing her dressing. It is all so very surreal. I feel strangely calm right now, writing about the details...the facts, the appointments, the plans. Maybe it makes Death seem less real. Less Emotional. More Clinical. We live in Oregon. We live in the only state where assisted suicide is legal. This is a very good option for mom in a worst case scenario.

You know what else is surreal? The documentary "Searching For the Wrong-Eyed Jesus"..I urge you all to go rent it (if you can find it, that is) or buy it. It is wonderfully strange and beautiful.

I'm going to go read UNCUT. It is a British Music Mag very similar to Mojo. Syd Barrett is on the cover and there is a large write-up on him.

Sleep tight. Don't let the bed bugs bite.