2006-09-13 : Terrapin
Listening to Syd Barrett "Terrapin"...Ah, Syd Barrett. I need to send the "UnCut" mag I bought in Portland to Rob, who is the biggest Roger "Syd" Barrett fan you'll ever meet. Rob has been calling me a lot on the phone lately. One time he was really drunk and I kept threatening to hang up on him because he was saying dirty little things to me. He has no recollection of that phone call. The next time he called I called him right back, sobbing. I was sad about mom and Rob understands that. He understands about mom because he was my first husband and he loved my mom and my mom liked crazy 'ole Rob. He's eccentric. I wish I could bottle 1/2 of him and mix him with 1/4 of several other current and past men in my life. Rob is the only man that I have ever known to burst into a crying fit whenever he hears (or sees) Janis Joplin performing one of her songs. I wrote a poem about him once. It was all about kissing in the rain, and cayenne pepper and flannel coats and the smell of strong deodarant and cigarette stained fingers.

I helped mom take a shower today. She has a shower bench and she likes that a lot. I might have to get one for myself because I am so ultra lazy these days! I washed her back and I wanted to cry because she is growing so thin. Her eyes are dark brown and they look so big in her face now because her face is thinning. She looks beautiful and frightening to me. What else can I say? I need to make an appointment with the local funeral home that we've chosen so Mike and Mary Jane and I can go and meet with them to discuss "direct cremation." God damn, I never ever thought I'd be using words like "direct cremation" and "Pay On Death" and "Executor" so soon. God damn motherfucking piece of shit sucking butthole. There, now I feel better. FUCK YOU, you "wheel of fortune"...I need some good luck coming my way. I don't know what the fuck I need. I just feel like living on sugar but know it isn't good for me, but I actually have eaten 2 packages of Twinkies in the past 2 days and I drank a half can of Coke today and I HATE Pop! So Be It!