2012-01-26 : Why people (including my lovely little daughter) sometimes irritate me to no end!
Ugh. I want to see one of those "Calgon, take me away" commercials. I have no desire to take a bath right now. I just want to go out shopping, to a movie, and then have some fucking drinks at a bar BY MYSELF. I love Bella (why do I always feel I need to justify myself by prefacing with "I love her") but right now I do not like her behavior very much. I am tired of the whining, and the demanding that I do this or that RIGHT NOW and the constant changing of her mind (I want a story, I don't want a story), and her general "I am almost 3 and want to be a total jerk to push your buttons" attitude..well, it SUCKS! Thank Goodness I get to go to my part-time evening job 4 nights a week (where some of the "subscribers" that I speak with on the phone are total rocks (with no personality), some of them seemingly monosyllabic cave people as far as communication goes). I love how they assume I am a tele-marketer as soon as I announce who I am, when in fact, I am doing them a service by calling them up to let them know their newspaper subscription has expired (I don't even ask them for what they currently owe us, I just try to encourage them to send in a check, pay me over the phone, or if they must, let me stop their paper if they don't want it anymore). I am currently SO bored with this job but I am SO grateful to even have one at all.

Wow..I am rambling all over the place. The gist of it is, I need more personal time. The 2 hours Bella takes a nap are great and I can watch a movie or nap and I am lucky that she still takes a nap, but it isn't like I can just leave the house and do something enjoyable.

Oh, and I have obviously been being too strict on my "healthy food only" regimen for the past 2 weeks. I broke down and ate a small bag of Doritos yesterday and then I insisted we go get Voodoo Donuts after work (and eating junk food and any desserts is part of my "don't do it" regimen right now). I ended up having an upset stomach last night and this morning, so eating crap really doesn't pay at all..it is just a quick salty or sugary fix. I wonder if I will ever actually crave a veggie wrap over a cheeseburger, or some fresh fruit salad over a piece of rhubarb pie? Can I retrain my body and mind? I think I can but I have to obviously do a "cheat" every week so I don't go hog wild in one day. Well, at least I have stuck to the vegetarian idea still.

Ramble bramble, ramble bramble. It feels great to vent this way again. I used to do it on a daily basis, nearly.

Ok, now to go meditate this bad mood away or at least escape it with a book or something.