2017-07-09 : How could I become and what's so wrong with just being me?
I want to quit my job but I can't. I want to drink heavily and take drugs but I can't. I want To run away and become a new person but I can't. I don't want to be a Fuck up. I don't want to be a person who has lost those most important to her. I don't want to be me anymore.

But I love Bella and I cannot ruin her life. I don't want to destroy Larry.

My job isn't even all that bad. I don't know why I want to go and start over. I can't truly erase my past. I feel either robot numb or a mess that I am SO good at hiding. I'm not suicidal, don't worry. I just don't want to be an adult anymore. I want to write, go on FB, paint, read a million novels, watch tv series and sleep. Like the ultimate in escapism with zero responsibility.