2018-09-08 : Stupid crushes and inertia
I feel so irritable. I really do go through this life like a zombie sometimes. I just want to run away but that won’t solve anything. I can’t even truly describe how I feel. I am not good at writing that shit down accurately anymore.

I don’t DO anything. I work part-time. I sleep. I eat. I spend way too much time on social media. I don’t have many friends. I am so antisocial towards the ones I do have.

I am a mom and a wife and I feel disconnected from both of those things.

I hate the weekends. I love my family but hate spending time with them. What the everloving fuck is wrong with me. I have a 9-year-old daughter and I prefer it when she’s at school. I feel like a terrible human being. Absolutely appalling.

I day dream 24/7 about a dishwashing metalhead that I lust after in such a distracting way. We are friends but he doesn’t want me. I just want to fuck him.. not anything more.. well, and hang out with him. I’m not ruining my marriage over this kid who is 18 years younger than me. I almost wish I’d never met him.

I love Larry but I don’t know if it’s enough anymore. I dread the weekends because I have to be around him for hours. We have nothing to talk about. We’ve been together for 15 years and I think it’s out of habit and necessity more than anything. Fuck.

I don’t know what I need.