I forgot to mention what happened the other day. We were all told we had a team meeting at work and it turned out to be a SURPRISE BABY SHOWER for me and Josiah!! I couldn't believe it and it made me so happy. The boy will be dressed in style and very well pampered with his bathing supplies and nail clippers and counter bathtub set, etc. People are so kind and it really, really helps in these dark, dark days. I'm just so impatient to HUG AND KISS AND HOLD and take care of Josiah. I know I must wait about another month or so and then Mom and I will go to Hawaii and bring him back.
Larry and I really want to raise him, but so do my brother and his wife..I have NO idea how we'll figure this out. It's driving me crazy, actually. I can't imagine bonding with him when he is here in Oregon and then having him snatched away to Denver (not that they'd be "snatching" him, but you know what I mean)...
Today I was walking around at lunch and it was grey and rainy and I was talking to my sister in my head and then I started talking to her outloud. I've never done that before but it felt so necessary and it really calmed me down. I have this distinct feeling that she was walking beside or behind me, listening and sort of responding. It's hard to describe. I walked by some ladies and I stopped my talking (but who cares if they thought I was insane, right? HA HA!) but I talked to Sarah outloud for a good 20 minutes or more and I kept asking for some SIGN that she was there, and I don't know if this was coincidence or not, but as I was halfway through my walking and talking, the sky cleared a little and patches of blue peeked through and even a little bit of sun and it sort of amazed me (how funny that I'd think that I actually caused the weather to change...eek..I really AM crazy!) and when my walk was over and I was inside, not even 10 minutes later it was dark and raining again.
God, I miss her.
