Mom has been in the hospital since Sunday morning. Her cancer is causing her digestive system not work properly and she was throwing up a lot, so we took her to the hospital for the 2nd time in a week. This time she'll be staying for several days so that she can be on IV fluids and "rest" her bowel and they can work on cleaning out her intestines, etc. I think we both have temporarily lost hope on her getting better. I hope we find our way back to "hope" very soon.
She has decided that she wants to go back to Illinois so that she can be around a larger support system (and I know she wants to die there when the time comes) and so I will be going with her. It will be good for me to be around more of my aunts, uncles and cousins as well. I need more support, not only in dealing with mom's cancer, but also in dealing with the horror that is Sarah's murder.
Mom wants to go sooner than later, so we are probably going at the end of September or the beginning of October. We'll be living with her friend, Charlotte, who is very kind and generous and has a large house.
I am upset about going back to Illinois (afraid I'll end up getting "stuck" in the Midwest somehow) and confused about what life will be like there, but I just have to keep in mind that it isn't a permanent move. I WILL be back in Oregon (we have to leave most of our stuff here, which Larry is fine with) as soon as the time as right. I just don't know whether that will be 4 months or 1 year or longer. It depends on mom. At this point in my life, I'm doing everything I can for mom. She is my one and only concern right now. I'm more concerned about her quality of life than my own. That may sound strange but it is the way I have to live right now. I have many years ahead of me to fulfill my goals and dreams. We have no idea how much time mom has left, so what I do will be for her until she is gone.
One thing I am looking forward to about going back to Champaign in October is seeing all the changing leaves. We don't have that so much out here in the Pacific NW.
