I am having a bad panic attack right now. I feel like I am going to pass out (which I won't) but that feeling, along with the feeling that I can't take in enough oxygen is SO annoying! Hopefully writing this will distract me and the attack will go away more quickly. I need to focus on my breathing, Deep abdominal breathing..IN. Out. In Out. IN. Out. Please God..let this feeling go away! I hate the fact that these come out of the blue..I don't feel particularily stressed out today...I am not tired, I've eaten. etc..I guess they are just like seizures..there is no predicting them! I hope I will be fine by the time it is time to walk the 5 minutes to the bus. The worst feeling in the world is feeling alone, dizzy/panicky, walking by tall highrise buildings..nothing but strangers around and being too embarrassed to ask someone for help, I just walk real close to the building, in case I feel like I need to hold on to it for support. I shouldn't care what others think, I really shouldn't. I mean, this is a legitimate thing I experience, but most people still just don't GET IT. THey don't fucking understand what it means to have a panic attack. THey think it just means you are feeling up tiight. The things that piss me off the most are when people "oh, just chill out." Or "just relax"..they don't understand the severe physical sensations that go along with this feelings. It is not just all emotional. I wish I could lie down right now and close my eyes. Let's see..Arthur Lee/Love was great. I think I am going to write a longer, more personal description in my paper diary, though as it was probably the best concert I've seen for years and cuz it was kind of a dream come true to see him. It would be like someone seeing Jimi Hendrix. That is what I compare it to. I think it is time to put my head between my knees as my vision is getting those black fuzzies. Actually, the most embarrassing thing is hyperventilating on a crowded bus, then trying to calm it by breathing in a paper bag. People probably thgouth I was huffing glue or something..aaaaggghh!!! I'm outta klonopin right now too..and the valerian I've taken isn't working. I will be ok..I'm sure I'll be ok in 10 minutes..pray for me!

do the jerk * do the frug